Love does not envy

Envy is a longing for the possessions, advantages, success, qualities of another person. It's uneasiness when you see another person excelling or doing better than you, often with some hatred attached to it. An obsolete meaning is malice, spite, and the desire to injure someone. Sounds pretty nasty. You can see, I'm sure, why Paul said that love does not envy, and why it might be a smart idea not to give envy a toehold in this lifestyle of love he was speaking about.

I'm sure everyone gets envious sometimes. I know I do. What's wrong with it then? In a mild form, isn't it ok? I mean, everyone does it.

Well, no, not really. It's not ok. Everyone does it isn't a good excuse. A majority based morality is not the greatest idea in the world. What if the masses are wrong? A majority based morality is what Hitler created in Germany. Everyone hated the Jews. It was just fine to hate the Jews. Look what that led to. And that stemmed from envy, envy that while Hitler was a young, broke artist trying to make a living he would see Jewish people walking around his native Austria, foreigners in his land, and they were doing well for themselves. Now, that's an extreme example, I'll agree with that.

But envy doesn't just lead to hatred. It stops you appreciating who you are. Every single person in this world is unique. Even if you just go off fingerprints, you are different to the person next to you and the person next to them and the person on the far side of the world. Nobody has exactly the same experiences when they grow up, not even identical twins I'm sure. That means that you are unique and special. You can give something to the world that nobody else can. But if you sit there, wishing that you had somebody else's gifts and talents, well, where does that leave you and your own appreciation of your gifts and talents? Pretty well stuffed really. If you're wishing you could sing like the finalist on X-Factor, you aren't exercising your own talents, whatever they might be. So envying doesn't only lead to hatred, it also stops you fulfilling your potential. Another of the old uses of envy was emulate. If I spend my time imitating other people, I'm not going to grow and develop further as an individual. I'm handing over my uniqueness in favour of something that looks good.

Envy in love is a real nightmare. You can't love someone if you're constantly comparing yourself to them and coming of worst. You can't love someone and want to have what they have. It doesn't work. And if you feel envy towards someone other than your boyfriend/girlfriend, then you're blocking them out and denying them access to who you really are. Honesty is a very valued quality in relationships. If you can't be honest about who you are, then how can you have a meaningful relationship with someone else?

This passes into the 'love your neighbour' kind of love too, and the friendship love. It's very difficult to love someone when you're sat there wishing that they hadn't done better than you on that test, that they didn't have the new TV you want.

So how do you get round it? It's very difficult to obey a negative command. If I tell myself not to think about something, I'm automatically thinking about it by telling myself not to. I guess part of it is counting your own blessings (which is probably impossible). If you want to start it of: you're alive. I know you're alive, because you can't be reading this if you aren't. It's nearly spring, the daffodils are coming out. You have access to a computer, a lot of people don't. Look at your own talents. Maybe you can't sing like the Spice Girls, maybe you haven't got as good a mark as your friend, but what can you do? Look for ways to develop that, not to attempt to do things that you weren't built for. It's like using a mobile phone to hammer a nail and a hammer to try and ring someone. Neither is going to work very well at all, but both are useful. Paul says elsewhere that no part of hte Body is any more important than any other part, and that since you don't get eyes saying 'oh, I wish I was a foot', so too good singers shouldn't say 'I wish I could draw'. I'm guilty of it, I admit it. But it's possible to work at it. Why don't you?

Remember, God made you special, and he loves you very much.